X-Force: The New Breed #23 "This is your brain. This is your brain on hormones, THC, and ignorance!" Riled up by: Red Monster Smoked by: The Greenhill Troupe Long Island Central Hospital may exist, but as far as I'm concerned, it's completely made up. James and Risque were up on the roof again. After hearing Sam and Tabitha's ugly, childish argument, hearing Caliban speak in something resembling proper English, and getting a distraught call from Theresa saying her baby was genetically blind, they saw fit to get stoned. "I'm jealous of Terry's baby. The fashion industry will never succeed in telling her how she's not pretty enough, she'll never stumble around after the lights are turned out, and best of all, she wasn't here when those two blondes decided to go at it like cats!" Risque babbled after taking a long drag. "Mrow! Hssst! Felt like having Feral back again." James said. "Was Feral always that nasty? I mean, did she make attempts on your life all the time she was with the team?" Risque asked. "No, she was really nice when it was her time of the month. But since a cat's cycle is really short, she was only nice for a few hours at a time." Of course he was fibbing. But through the lovely swirls of joint smoke, what he was saying seemed sensible to both of them. "Listen, James, let's not finish the whole joint this time, okay? Last time I felt like I could fly, and the sensation of falling was really scary. Plus, the stuff's getting really pricey these days." "You know what? We are about the biggest dumbasses this team has ever seen. I keep my weed in my sock drawer where Caliban can find it and get curious, we get stoned off our asses whenever there's an argument in the house, so we can easily get hooked on the stuff, which is bad news, and we get high on the roof of our own house, where anybody can find us!" James ranted. "Have you got a better idea maybe?" Risque asked skeptically. "Okay, we keep our stuff in the cabinet with all the cleaning products, because that's the last place anyone in this house would be caught dead going. Second, we go into one of our rooms, lock the door, and get stoned off our asses in there!" James said happily. "Why in our rooms? Wouldn't we get caught in there? And something that sort of surprises me, is why hasn't Cable caught us already with his telepathic powers?" "Well nobody would suspect that we're actually smoking inside the house, because no idiot would be that nuts. And if I ever catch Cable inside my head, I'll beat his brains into eye shadow, and he'll have no one to blame but himself for not minding his own bidness! His telekinesis is no match for my muscle, trust me." "Well, if it's Cable we're talking about, you'd have to surprise him and nail him the first time. Otherwise he'd stop you with his mind-sucking powers." "I can do that. Especially if I'm not stoned." James said. Inside... "So, Tabitha, I heard that fight you had with Sam the other day." Rictor said. "Oh, don't even remind me of him. He can get pushed off a bridge while his powers are inhibited and it wouldn't bother me." Tabitha said bitterly. Rictor moved closer to her. "Remember the good times we used to have, before you and Sam got together?" he asked. "Yeah. But, I'm afraid those times are over now. You can never go home again." "Maybe not, but that doesn't mean life has to stop. You can drive over a pothole and still keep moving. No need to hide in your shell just because you and Guthrie split." Julio said soothingly. "Really? Would you fix my tire after I run over a nail?" Tabitha asked, turning to him. "Honey, I'd fix anything of yours." Rictor said, wrapping his arm around her. "Get away from me, you scumbag! You try to make it with me when I'm vulnerable! Whaddyou take me for, some kinda cheap hooker?" Tabitha asked, outraged. "Hey, Tab, don't blow a tube over it. I just thought I'd comfort you!" Rictor defended himself. "With what, cheap meaningless sex?! Nice try, but you've gotten me confused with Terry. I've learned from her mistake." "Hey, it wouldn't be meaningless! After all we've been through, it would mean plenty!" Rictor said. "Besides, I wasn't after sex." "Pull the other one, Ric." Tabitha said, getting up. "Or go hit on Valentina before Johnny gets too far with her." "Is Johnny hitting on Valentina?" Rictor asked cautiously. Even though he was hitting on Tabitha, he didn't want anyone else looking too closely at Valentina. "Well, he's engaged in conversation with her, and smiling at her, and she seems to enjoy his company. I think she hopes he'll make her a citizen." "She's too young for him! She's nineteen, he's thirty-one! That's like, pedophilia!" "Well, if you're so concerned, ya selfish bastard!-- why don't you stop staring at my breasts and stake a claim on hers?" Tabitha suggested. "I will! I mean... oh, you know what I mean." "Yeah, I know what you mean, unfortunately. Now get outta here." Out on the town, on the way home from the recycling center... "Does friend-Shatterstar hear anything strange?" asked Caliban. "Wait, weren't you speaking standard English yesterday?" Shatterstar asked. "Yes, but Sunspot's rules are too hard for Caliban to remember. But does Shatterstar hear anything strange? Caliban can hear a fight." Caliban said. "No, I don't hear it, but I trust your intuition. You lead the way." Shatterstar told him. Caliban headed off in the direction of the noise. Shatterstar followed close behind. After running for several hundred yards, he heard what sounded like racial slurs and chains rattling. "I hear them, Caliban. It sounds like gang violence." Shatterstar said. Fluffy: Sounds like the X-Cutioner's Song! X-Men and X-Factor band together and gang up on X-Force! No real reason, it was just a slow day, and they could. Red: Once, just once, I'd like to see X-Force gather up all their ex-New Mutant friends and beat the shit out of those two teams! Even if they didn't apologize, they'd still be the better bunch, because they had a valid reason! That would be so much fun. Rose: Oh, relax, Red. You've already beaten the shit out of those two teams. They don't need to take it again from X-Force. Red: True! "Shatterstar, why are they beating up on those old men?" Caliban asked. There was a group of about ten young men, all with snake tattoos, beating up on three old Asian men. "Those are some of the Serpents. They're a gang that hates Asian people. Those old men made the mistake of walking through Serpent territory. Let's get them!" Shatterstar said. He jumped into the air with the last sentence and took out his swords. "What the Hell?!" shouted one of the serpents when Shatterstar landed in the middle of the fight. "Caliban! Come get these three to safety!" Shatterstar yelled to Caliban as one of the gang members lashed a chain out at him. Shatterstar let part of the chain wrap around his sword, then he ripped it away from the gang member's hand and used it to beat the young man's head in. Caliban dove into the mix of vicious, growling bodies and came out holding the three old men protectively. "Get them to a hospital, Caliban!" Shatterstar shouted, throwing one gang member over his shoulder and onto a brick wall. Caliban ran with the three old men under his arm in the direction of Long Island Central Hospital. He'd been treated there, he knew where it was. "This is too easy." Shatterstar thought as he smoothly pummeled and stabbed at the sprawling gang. "We brought reinforcements!" said one of the gang, a straggly young man with more body piercings in his face and than he had fingers and toes. Sure enough, the reinforcements came. This is a gang that doesn't put all its eggs in one basket. "This should be fun." Shatterstar said as the reinforcements replenished the fallen. As he repelled one, another snuck up behind him and nailed Shatterstar in the back of the head with a baseball bat. It only triggered Shatterstar's reflex to whip back and stab the young man through the stomach. Still, it would take a minute or two for his healing factor to kick in and clear his vision. Shatterstar sprang up into the air and scrambled up the nearest tree. He had to let his healing factor heal his head before he could keep fighting. "They must think I've given up this fight. But they'll know otherwise in a few minutes." Shatterstar thought. "He ran up a tree! The coward couldn't handle us!" shouted one of the gang triumphantly. "Let's get outta here before the cops come!" "No way! He killed four of our guys! We have to return the favor by killing him four times!" So as Shatterstar's healing factor worked its magic, he saw some of the gang climb the tree he had chosen. At least they didn't have guns. Shatterstar's head finally stopped throbbing, his vision cleared up, and he jumped back to the ground. The gang followed him. He jumped forward, kicking the one nearest him in the face. He dropped down, stuck one leg out, and spun around, knocking the others off balance. He stood up and walked away, realizing they weren't fair competition. They seemed to realize it, too. "Let's get outta here, this guy's unstoppable!" said one of them. They all got up, left their dead behind, and limped off in the other direction. They couldn't tell the police about Shatterstar, as they were a gang and would get arrested themselves. And Shatterstar was obviously too good for even their numbers to overcome. Shatterstar was embarrassed. Not because he had walked away from a fight, but because he had chosen opponents who gave him reason to do so. Even with odds of twenty-five to one, Earth's non-mutant troublemakers could be knocked down with a sneeze. No wonder they beat up on old men. Shatterstar headed in the direction Caliban had run off in. Caliban knew where Long Island Central Hospital was, and it was a good hospital. It was almost Christmas, horribly cold, the traffic was awful. The hospital was probably full of car accident victims, so the staff would be warmed up for treating gang victims. Shatterstar only hoped Caliban could get through the emergency room okay. People tend to get a little spooked when they're injured to begin with, and then a huge purple guy comes in carrying three beat-up old men. Some of them may think they're hallucinating and panic. Others just panic because they're afraid of joining the three old men. When Shatterstar got to the emergency room, Caliban was in there waiting for him. Standing next to a cadre of chairs, looking confused as usual. "Caliban, where are those old men the gang were beating up on?" Shatterstar asked, just to make sure Caliban had done everything right. "Nurses took them away in wheelchairs." Caliban replied simply. "Okay. That's a good thing. Now, let's go home." Shatterstar said, taking Caliban by the hand and leading him back out. "What happened to friend-Shatterstar's head?" Caliban asked. Shatterstar had some blood on his head from the blow of the blunt instrument. "One of the gang hit me with something heavy. But I'm okay now." "Friend-Shatterstar, why were those bad men beating up the little old men?" Caliban asked. "Because they're ignorant, and don't want anybody to change that. There's nothing you can do about people like that except lock them up, kill them, or try to avoid them. I know some people may think you're stupid, but you're much smarter than they are." Next: An offer Sammy may... or may not be able to refuse.